Nanny State Knows Best

UN Convention on the Rights of the Child

It's a wordy document with lofty intentions.

The international convention on the rights of the child asserts that all children should have access to both parents in the event of separation. 

This noble piece of  legislation is fundamentally flawed.

It refuses to acknowledge that if one partner abuses the other, the abuser's right to access the children perpetuates the abuse of the original victim, and embroils the children in a constant cycle of abuse, one in which they will often be enlisted by the abuser to hurt the other parent. 

All over the world, the abused are being forced to interact with their abusers in co-parenting relationships that simply don't work.

One cannot successfully co-parent with a narcissistic abuser.

This logic that both parents are equally involved in a positive way with the children so long as access is granted, is completely out of most family's experience. The abusers are allowed to control their victim through the children, re-traumatizing the abused and the children over and over again. 

The abused, a rule follower by nature, listens to the experts and keeps the kids out of the "adult stuff". At first it may appear to work.

But

the abuser, whose main target has been taken away, starts to fill the silence with lies, and systematically alters the memories of the children, turning them against the abused parent over time. 

It starts slowly. A name, a date, a small detail, until the children are enlisted to pick on the abuse victim. The abuse can be verbal, emotional, and physical. The children are manipulated into controlling and hurting the other parent at the behest if the abuser.

The abuse victim rightly recognizes this tactic, and sees it not only as a continuation of their former partner's abuse, but as the abuse of their children. Unfortunately, the system does not see things the same way. Abuse of the former partner, even if it's by proxy through the children, is not seen as detrimental to the children.

Do the children go live with the abuser? Perhaps.

Do the children grow up hating and resenting the non-abusive half of the couple? Often.

Will they see their abusive parent for who they are before they themselves have partners and children of their own? Hopefully.

Or did the system that claims to protect children's rights just condemn another generation to a cycle of abuse?

Either as the victim, or the perpetrator?

As always, open discussion below! Please share your opinions and thoughts and if you want to help others see and discuss this issue, consider sharing!